We had a wonderful week

   My week with EM was so wonderful. It always goes by too quickly and then it is over and I have to hand her back. She leaves quite a mess, my little tornado :), and it takes me a few days to do laundry and pick up her toys. I don't mind. It is a welcome distraction from the empty house. We are always very busy so I don't get much done. She has boundless energy and I am constantly moving to keep up with her!

We made video calls to everyone and I promised her that one day soon we would be able to visit Lou Lou and Mar Mar in Florida.

She made friends at the McDonald's playground, her favorite local haunt.

Her classmate Valentina had her 3rd birthday party and it was quite an extravaganza. Little girls love pink!!!

A piñata is a requisite for every Panamanian kid's birthday...

She hit the trampoline pretty hard...

and the play area.

Life is great with friends!

A Tale of Two Donuts.

   Elizabeth and I have fallen into a nice routine for the week that she spends with me. It takes about a day for her to get into the groove of Mommie's house, but after that she is a happy little clam. This one week here and one week there arrangement is very confusing for her. She is too young to understand what is going on.

   Our week usually starts with a visit to Krispy Kreme where EM picks out her favourite donut, chocolate glazed.

In the morning we wake up to donut time! If we are running late she eats hers on the way, but usually we sit down at the table and eat together. Her with her chocolate glazed, and I with my triple chocolate.

She told me that her donut was better than mine because mine doesn't have a hole :)

Little Tikes "Cozy Coupe Scooter"

   After my daughter fell in love with a classmates scooter, I began the hunt. Iliya's mom said she got her scooter in Singapore, so I was on my own. On Saturday(Sabado) I headed to Albrook mall to investigate every store for the perfect match. Elizabeth is only 3 so safety was my #1 priority. Finding a pink one was #2. When I saw this Little Tikes version I knew my search was over.
   I immediately called a cab and headed home. I opened the box and was very happy to discover easy to read directions and very few parts that I would have to piece together. In fact all I needed was a hammer and a screwdriver(butter knife).

I hid it in my room so that Elizabeth could find another present that the Birthday Fairy had left for her. I will admit that at first she was a little disappointed that it was not a Minnie Mouse scooter, but that was very short lived. She loves the smiling face of her new scooter!

She hoped on it and immediately knew exactly what to do. It is a little hard for her to turn the handles but she can do a nice soft curve which is really all she needs. I even tested it out myself and the sturdy plastic frame held my 120lbs. perfectly.

I showed her how to use the simple back brake but so far she has not needed to. She finds it just as easy to put a foot down on the ground. It is very stable and she has not fallen at all. Our next step will be to take it to the park, but I will get her a helmet to wear first, just in case. I love this scooter, and best of all, so does EM!!! Yeah!!!!!

My week :)

 I am so excited!!!!!!! Today I pick up EM from school at noon and my glorious week with her begins!!! I can never sleep the night before and in the morning I jump out of bed with butterflies in my stomach. The week I have without her feels like a month. She is growing so fast, and I don't want to miss anything. I imagine she will be 3 inches taller and too heavy for me to carry around. Luckily, when I finally see her she doesn't look much older.  She had just turned 2 when all of this started. Now she is 3. If you think about it, I missed 1/2 of her 2's. 1/5th of her life so far. Time I can never get back. I try not to think about.

Soon my precious angel will occupy the little tent that sits empty in my living room every other week. This past week I went to the mall and got her some late birthday gifts. I hid them around the house for her to find. You can see her new Minnie Mouse shoes in the tent. I hope they fit. She is my gift and I am the luckiest girl in the world to have her :).

I used to live there.

   I used to live there. In 2013 I took a leap of faith and moved with my husband to that apartment on the 19th floor. The one with the curtains on the balcony. I gave birth to my daughter shortly thereafter in this country of Panama. Although now I only live two buildings over, that apartment is a lifetime away.
   I know this blog is supposed to be my happy place, and I promised myself to record only good things. I have good days and bad days. I am having a bad day. After finally being awarded child support by the Panamanian courts (after 8 months of fighting) I felt a sense of relief. Now at least my immediate bills like rent and food would be covered. A lot less to worry about. That was short lived. Today, Alyn is now 2 days late on his third payment. Has he decided not to pay anymore? How will I survive? How can he be so cruel? He even told me that he hoped I would be deported. I fear he is trying to wait me out until my money runs out and I will have to leave Panama without Elizabeth. He has DEEP pockets. I do not. Is he planning something new? The lawyer bills are already huge. I am terrified.

What else is he capable of? He even kept my dog. MY dog that I had for 5 years before we even met and married.

I truly feel he has no human emotions or compassion. How can you take a mother away from a young child? Elizabeth had just turned 2 when this nightmare began. Every day I PRAY that the courts will see through his lies, and see him for the monster he is. I need to hang in there until that days comes and I get custody. Luckily I have the truth on my side. The false charges he filed against me were all dropped. He is going to Trial for domestic abuse. Surely they would not give custody to an abusive, evil monster, right? I am so grateful for the support of my family. They give me the strength to fight! I can not say that enough. I am so very grateful for the support of my wonderful family.

OK. Sad time is over. No more self pity. It is donut time.

Mola re-do

The mola forms part of the traditional outfit of a Kuna woman. You can see in the photo the outfit on this woman. I took this photo at a market in Casco Viejo. She is also selling traditional Panamanian handicrafts. I did not buy my mola here, but in a less touristy part of Panama city. It was a little less expensive there. I appreciate the amount of work that goes into the making of a mola and I do feel they are underpriced at times. Also, the cheaper ones are not as skilfully done. The one I bought did have a few problems for this reason, but I still thought it was beautiful.

My mola was unfinished with frayed and uneven edges. The first thing I did was try and square it so that I could add a border.

After I trimmed it back to straight edges it was not quite square so I had to do some creative quilting.

Next, I removed some appliqué that I felt was not working. You can clearly see the stitches in this circle that are supposed to be hidden. I also removed the decorative stitching.

I added some of my own appliqué designs. I am not crazy about how the eyes turned out. Next time I will make them a little smaller and not as traditional.

I did a little decorative stitching in the blank spaces left be the appliqué that I removed. I also stitched over some appliqué to make it stand out a little more.

I filled in the black spaces with a little shimmery thread I had,

quilting it to the thick polyester batting. I actually found this process very relaxing...

Voila! A finished piece.

Chain Stitch name on a baby quilt.

   I was invited to a baby shower for one of my lawyers. Being on a VERY limited budget I had to get creative. I had a cute pink flamingo baby quilt that I had made a while ago. Liz is going to have a girl so I decided this would be adorable for her baby. Customising it for her would be even better! I had this cool ombre pink thread that was thick enough to use for the name. After  first practicing on some paper, I wrote Maria Sofia onto the quilt so that I could stitch over it. I freehanded it in swirly cursive. Cute for a little girl.

I was going to just dot the i's, but then I decided that hearts would be even cuter!!!

I took my Prismacolor marker and drew on the hearts.

I am not very confident in my chain stitch so I practiced first.

When I stitched onto the quilt, I went completely through to the other side. I had not done this on the name because I wanted the back of the quilt to look nice.

I scattered some more hearts around the quilt and the back of the quilt is so sweet!!!

I then signed and dated it, and tied it up with a ribbon. I hope Liz loves it!!!

Girl Alone

   So it is now almost 2017. I think I have almost come to terms with my new role in this life.  It is my life and I need to make the best of it. No more self pity. No more tears. I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and crawl out from beneath this rubble triumphant! I am not the first woman in the world to get a divorce. I will survive as they have. For myself, for my beautiful daughter. I am not perfect.  I have flaws just like everyone. It is OK. I am worthy of love and happiness. Everything will work out. For now, I am a girl alone. I am responsible for my happiness and it will be OK.

Decorate a lampshade

   I really like the base of this lamp I bought, but the stark white lampshade was begging for something colorful. It just looked so "blah" against the off white wall. I decided to get out my fabric markers and do a little experimenting.

   I looked for some inspiration on my Pinterest color&pattern page. I am a Pinterest junkie so I have quite a few images collected. I found some cookies I had pinned and experimented with shapes and colors on some paper. I chose 5 colors to use in my palette from my Tulip brand and Marvy brand markers. My black marker was a little dried out so I used a Sharpie.

   I taped up the designs to see which one I liked the best, because I didn't want to make a mistake that I would have to live with.

   I tested the shapes on the seam of the shade which would be facing the wall. I was a little disappointed to discover the Sharpie marker bled a little on the fabric. I decided it didn't matter that much and decided to just go for it.

   I drew the shapes one at a time so they would be evenly distributed. I discovered that if I drew them a little faster the color would not bleed as much.

   I was pleased with the outcome. It is not perfect, but no one will notice the mistakes. I tend to over analyse everything so I was proud of myself for just getting it done.

I even like the way it looks in the daylight. It makes me happy :)

The New Apartment!!

   Finding this apartment in Costa del Este has been my saving grace by far. It is only an 8 minute walk to EM's school which means I don't have to take a $25 Uber ride from El Congrejo and be in the rush hour traffic with a toddler for over an hour. Traffic in Panama city is really unbelievable, but I can't even get into that right now... We have only been caught in the rain twice. The good news is the rainy season is over, at least for now. The first thing I did was paint EM's room pink of course!

   I love the layout and the open plan. When I am in the kitchen I can now keep my eye on EM's shenanigans. Her room is also front and center through that far door. There is even a dining room which I shall turn into my craft room.

  It also comes furnished which is great. The furniture is a little worse for wear, but to me it is wonderful. In the divorce I get nothing, so basically I can start from scratch. And look at that view!!!

  When most of the sanding, cleaning, and arranging was done I was very pleased with the outcome. I really do love my home in the sky. It is perfect for me and EM.

The only problem is that her toys end up taking over the entire space.

  I bought a lamp from a local store and tweaked the layout a little. My landlord Breyda was nice enough to give me a futon which will be perfect for when my family comes to visit from Florida. You can see it backed up to the love seat. I covered it in a blanket I found in a drawer. Now Elizabeth has the entire back area to do as she pleases. I will straighten that up later.

  I really don't like white walls. When I sit on the couch I see the kitchen and it just looked so blank and unfinished. I decided I needed to paint it a nice happy acid yellow. If I am going to paint one wall, I might as well paint two, so I added some cool purple to the media wall.

  The new layout and colors really do break up the long space. It feels a little more cozy now. I get EM today at noon. I know she will love the purple!!! And I got her a pink chair to go with her art table...

  I took a quilt I had made years ago and covered up the UGLY coffee table. It is a little low for the spot so I propped up the lamp on some books. EM will not like me putting objects onto her trampoline. Oh well...

  Here and there I made little areas to display some of my treasures. The walls are solid cement so nails are out of the question. I hung this poster with some non-damage sticky clips I found made by Command brand products. I was so happy to find them because I do not like bare walls, but it is a rental so I didn't want to ruin the walls with permanent sticky hooks. I don't think Breyda would like that.

  I stuck some of my art on the wall above the dining table and put a bowl I had in the centre. I bought all those bouncy balls for EM, but they are so pretty I thought they would make a nice display. Now I don't like for her to mess with them ;)

My creative space to take my mind off of the turmoil. This new apartment is my happy place and I am so grateful.